Things we can’t control in business & in life
It’s the Fourth of July today in the U.S., a day when all business comes to a halt and people go out or go home to celebrate with their friends and families.
The holiday comes at a poignant time in my life. In the midst of serving this business, creating a new one and integrating more self–care, my life has been rocked by two major health crises in the family, where I am almost the only adult to take charge.
I should have emotionally crumbled by now! But I have not, thanks toa group of clients and this work to keep me uplifted, focused and productive.
This brings me to what I want to discuss today, which is about things we cannot control in business, and by extension, life.
My soul is particularly drawn to this life lesson this year. In releasing control, you realize you are not that powerful to change many circumstances in life, and yet you also are.
In my earlier years as an entrepreneur, I was very shaky and insecure about my place in the world. I had no faith in the Universe to provide what I needed, and deep down, I felt that if I didn’t push, shove, scratch and claw, I would be left with nothing.
We exert control when we don’t feel safe and protected in the world, and especially when we feel like our needs have never been met. When you grow up having to literally “scratch and claw” for your needs, it’s very understandable how we bring these emotional patterns into our business later on.
These desperate measures show up in sales the most, and it also exists as an undercurrent. It might be a nagging feeling that you’re never going to make it, or that you’re always running out of time, or that you’re missing opportunities by not being everywhere at once.
I’ve been there — I understand. And if you’re feeling a little bit like that, let me help you through it to the other side.
The little engine that…couldn’t
Here’s what we can’t control in business: circumstances that happen to family members or loved ones, which (temporarily) take us away from our dreams and goals. Some people might look at it as a subconscious manifestation of resistance — where every time you try to move forward, drama happens to pull you back.
That may be so if the situation was a brief flare–up that begged you to immediately recognize your resistance. But what if the changes are somewhat longer term?
What if, legitimately speaking, you had to shuffle your schedule, scale back on this year’s goals, and take time away to care for others?
I quickly learned to get real. Time became of the essence, and it was all about what I can realistically accomplish this year. You learn to get organized and efficient (which is not a bad thing), and you also learn to stay conscious the entire time: that you chose to take this on, not because you had to.
When a family member or a loved one decides to have a major life lesson that involves our time, we are in no way in control of when it happens, what happens and for how long. But here’s what we can control: how we use our time, what we say no to, and whether we keep on keeping on in our business.
Doing little things that moves the business forward is the dose of sanity we need to feel like our life isn’t slipping away from our fingers.
My life, which was previously fully centered around myself, has now seen some of it dedicated toward family care. In the beginning, it was hard to stay afloat. When I got tired, resentment crept up. But after several adjustments, you can come to a healthy balance that takes care of you, your business and whatever else is important in your life.
Another thing we can’t control is the outcome of every sales experience. To be a great sales person and negotiator means giving up your attachment of the outcome. This I hadn’t learned when I was a business deal negotiator and it made my life extremely difficult!
One of my favorite business books is by Herb Cohen, author of Negotiate This!: By Caring, But Not T-H-A-T Much. He teaches sales people to invest their hearts in what they’re selling, but to also leave yourself plenty of space by not caring T-H-A-T much. That’s detachment from the outcome, spirituality 101 in action.
You might work hard and do your very best to bring a client onboard, but if it doesn’t work out in the end — bummer! Maybe that client displayed enthusiasm at first and then changed her mind. Maybe she couldn’t locate the funds or maybe Mercury Retrograde is happening (one of the best excuses I was given in a sales call, right before I started experiencing a year–long, 100% closing streak). Whatever it is, it’s very easy to get swayed by excuses and disappointments, if we allow it.
While we cannot control the outcome of every sale, what we can control is our attachment or detachment to the outcome. We can also control how good we are at sales, by getting more sales education or by studying sales psychology. We can also control how much (or how little) we get ourselves out there in the market, and whether or not we fully show up to the tasks right in front of us.
We also cannot control the speed in which our clients experience their transformations. When we work with someone and deeply care about their pain, we just want to take that pain away and make it all better. We will also lovingly call attention to the areas where our clients need to wake up.
I do this as a designer and sales strategist for my clients. I’d want to swoop in and fix everything, or point out, “Here, look here, look at this. Here’s your problem. Your sales are flat because of X.” As much as we want their transformation to happen now, in order to alleviate their discomfort and ours, clients don’t wake up to the Truth until they are absolutely ready to do so.
While we cannot control the speed of their transformation, what we can control is giving that responsibility back to them. You can fulfill your integrity by presenting the information, but only they can awaken themselves to the truth.
It’s impossible to fix every problem of the Universe without help from those who created their circumstances. As difficult as it is to be a bystander or witness, there’s nothing else to do except to detach and allow people have their own experiences and journeys. This I learned from Lisa too.
If it can’t be controlled, let those balloons go. And once you let go, you’ll realize there are tons of things which you can control. Staying involved in your own life and making conscious decisions in the midst of chaos will help you understand you’re never a victim to any circumstance.
What are some of the things you find you can and can’t control in your life and business? Please leave a comment below.
Hi, I’m Ana Coeur
I teach entrepreneurs how to create their business straight from their soul. I offer a complete Intuitive Business Suite to help you create, design, write and sell all from your intuition. Here’s the services you can take advantage of to empower your business: Intuitive Web & Brand Design, Intuitive Copywriting and Intuitive Selling. If there’s anything I can help you with, I would love to hear about it! You may email me at anaintuitivepicture.com
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